she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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