Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
