Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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