idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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