You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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