i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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