i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
