My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
