Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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