last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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