ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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