I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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