Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
