Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
