I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
