his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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