so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
