His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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