I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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