Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
