Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Non-Jews are for practice
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
