i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
