i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
