Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize