well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
