I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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