i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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