It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
