Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
