like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
