you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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