we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
