I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
