Where is the hickey?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
