Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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