Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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