I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
