If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
