I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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