Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
