Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
