I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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