Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
