my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
