Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
