now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
