whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
