How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
