He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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