Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
