I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
