You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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