I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
