I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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