do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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