My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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