i just sent this text using only my big toe
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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