Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
