I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Pappa wants mamma naked
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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