I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
