She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
