i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
