He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
