Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
