I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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