I just made out with a guy for $7.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize