Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
