so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
