Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
