drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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