We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
