careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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