Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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