You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
