After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The air was thick with penises
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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