Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
