Kiss
Puke
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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