just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
